From now on I'm gonna be my own best friend
Photo by De'Andre Bush on Unsplash
Two years ago, I took a vow and made a decision: I decided that I’d rather be my own best friend instead of putting up with terrible friendships.
Beyoncé is one of my favourite music artists. As a tween, I purchased one of her albums, titled Dangerously In Love, which features one of my favourite songs, Me, Myself and I. In the song, this particular lyrics of the the chorus jump out to me:
“Me, myself and I
That’s all I got in the end
That’s what I found out
And it ain’t no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I’m gon’ be my own best friend”
This song has been stuck in my head since my tween and teen years. And now that I've embarked on my personal development and healing journey and recovering from toxic and damaging life experiences, those lyrics are now more important than ever before.
For most of my life, I've had so many toxic and draining friendships that made me feel miserable.
My experiences in these friendships were very negative: I was constantly disrespected, gaslighted, intimidated, put down, under attack, singled out and made to feel unheard and as if I didn't deserve to exist.
I've had so many bad friends and I've had good friends turn bad and reveal their true colours (they turned out to be incredibly horrible, spiteful, evil and nasty.)
I've had friends that weren't necessarily bad, but were draining and exhausting, or they didn't take our friendship seriously, or we didn't have much in common, or we were in different directions in our lives.
Unfortunately, as a result of my frequent and recurring experiences in chaotic, dysfunctional and drama-fuelled friendships, I've come away from these friendships feeling let down, hurt, burned, betrayed, disappointed, damaged and traumatised. Friendships are supposed to be full of positive and joyful experiences, and most importantly, they're supposed to be soft and safe spaces to land - yet I experienced the total opposite. However, I should point out that currently, I have amazing, high-quality, lovely, respectful and caring friends in my life right now, so it's not all bad.
It wasn't until I started discussing my friendships in therapy two years ago that I realised I had to make some radical changes because I couldn't take the BS anymore and I was fed up of feeling stuck in the same toxic cycles and negative patterns of behaviour.
I decided to:
Cut off or distance myself from toxic and traumatising friends (this is something I've been doing over and over again over the course of a decade)
Walk away from friendships that I had outgrown, were no longer serving me and were no longer in alignment with my personal values
Try to make new friends and cultivate friendships that are positive and in alignment with my values and the life I'm trying to build for myself
Become my own best friend.
The last point is the most important one: in therapy I learned that I had to become my own BFF. I realised that the one person that I've got throughout life is me, myself and I, so I need to be a good friend to myself in order to practice self-care and self-preservation.
Becoming my own best friend is a form of self-love and it's been the making of me.
Deciding to become my own best friend means that I'm able to love myself, show myself compassion and gratitude, recognise my worth, give myself grace and develop self-respect and self-esteem. Becoming my own best friend allows me to develop and establish boundaries for myself and my friendships so that I won’t tolerate nonsense and unnecessary drama.
Most importantly, becoming my own best friend means that I am much more in tune with my authentic self - and that enables me to cultivate friendships (and interpersonal relationships) that are genuine and positive. One of the issues I had was that I felt trapped in the microcosm of toxic and draining friendships, so I felt out of touch with myself, my mental health wasn’t in the best place, and I was surrounded by people who were perceiving me badly, projecting those perceptions on to me and were tearing me down.
However, becoming my own best friend means opting out of those terrible friendships and choosing to invest in being the best version of me, as well as taking back control over my own life and reclaiming power and autonomy over my own identity.
As a result, I'm much happier, confident and at peace with who I am as a person. My quality of life has improved, I’ve boosted my mental health and I live a pretty blissful existence.
I no longer waste time on friendships that don't serve me. I refuse to stay in toxic and traumatising friendships and interpersonal relationships. I no longer waste time seeking acceptance, validation and approval because being my own best friend means that I know I am good enough. I don’t need to prove my worth to so-called ‘friends’ who are so blind to transparency that they don’t see me or value me for who I am.
Instead, I invest my energy on bettering myself, living my best life and working towards my goals. I feel empowered and comfortable with me, myself and I - and that's the best way to be.