20 Lessons I Learned In My Twenties

Photo by Danilo Batista on Unsplash

Now that I am fast approaching my thirties, I am in a reflective mood.

I've been through a lot throughout my life and just like my childhood, my twenties were extremely turbulent, traumatising and negative. I've been in therapy over the last three years and in recent months, I have felt extremely blessed and less stressed.

I am immensely proud of myself, how far I've come and how much I've achieved. I am happy and very pleased to be in a place where I feel joy, stability and inner peace. I feel confident enough to pursue my dream life and make the right choices that align with my personal values.

I no longer surround myself with toxic people and I no longer tolerate toxic environments. I've distanced myself from and/or cut ties with so many people who were dragging me down and not adding value to my life.

I've made so many changes. I've taken back control over my life. I call the shots and make my own decisions. I live my life for me, not for anyone else, and my life resolves around me and my personal values.

I am very selective. I pick and choose who I surround myself with and I spend a lot of time in bliss. I know my worth and my value, and I see my own greatness.

I've been through a lot (to hell and back over and over again) but here I am - still standing and undefeated. I've learned a lot, but I'm glad to close the chapter on my turbulent twenties. I am looking forward to my thirties and the rest of my life - living a life full of abundance, authenticity, joy, harmony, love, respect, stability and inner peace.

Here are 20 lessons I learned in my twenties.

1. Take care of your physical and mental health - and always practise self-care

You will live a better quality of life and your future self will thank you.

2. Therapy will save (and change) your life

It definitely saved mine. Therapy has been revolutionary and life-changing and I will always be grateful for that. I have regained my personhood and sense of humanity and I am a happier person as a result of that.

3. Become financially literate - financial independence and freedom gives you power

This is something that I’m gradually working towards. Even though I learned to save and value money from a young age, I was never taught how to become financially literate and free, and I had a lot of limiting beliefs around money that held me back in my twenties. But thanks to the wonderful World Wide Web, there are so many ways to learn how to do this.

4. Watch out for the “snakes in the grass"

Unfortunately, throughout my life, I’ve come across so many spiteful people that have gone out of their way to stab me in the back, drag me down, sabotage me and throw me under the bus. I’m wise to vicious people’s tactics but it’s so hurtful. I tend to avoid surrounding myself with ‘snakey’ people and I choose to surround myself with people who lift me up and add value to my life.

5. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated

Always know your worth and remember this: it’s absolutely okay to walk away from situations that no longer serve you. At some point I realised that I deserve to be in environments where I knew I’d be celebrated, respected and appreciated - not tolerated or met with hostility. I’ve walked away from jobs, friendships, housesharing and flatsharing and certain family members because I was fed up with feeling like crap, being mistreated and not receiving the treatment I deserved. These days, I’m in a much better place.

6. Find (or create) your tribe

In relation to the previous point, it’s important to find your tribe. If you can’t find your tribe, create your tribe. Your tribe should consist of like-minded people who are in alignment with the life you’re trying to create for yourself.

7. Life is too short to put up with toxic interpersonal relationships

It’s okay to cut ties with toxic people to protect yourself and preserve your energy and mental health. It’s also okay to distance yourself from or outgrow people who aren’t necessarily bad for you, but are no longer relatable and aren’t conducive to the life you want to live.

8. No job is worth you losing your mental health

If a job is ruining your life, then it’s not the right job for you. Also, it’s important to remember to have a work-life balance because work isn’t everything, your productivity does not equate to your worth and you won’t be lying on your deathbed wishing you’d worked more. There’s more to life than your job and it doesn’t have to fully define you.

Having said that, I really love my job!

9. No-one defines you but you

Throughout my life, people have always tried to dictate who I am, what I am, what I’m not and who I should be. It got to the point where I was constantly policed and other people’s perceptions and definitions of me took priority and I didn’t know who I was because I was so out of touch with my authentic self.

But no-one lives my life. I define myself and I’m in control of my identity and image. I’m in touch with my authentic self and I no longer define myself by other people’s perceptions and false assumptions of me.

I know exactly who I am.

10. People-pleasing is not good for you

There’s no benefit or honour in being self-sacrificing and appeasing others. Choose self-love and self-care above the need (and the disease) to people-please.

11. Friendships are supposed to be safe, happy and positive spaces to land

It’s okay to let go of poisonous, chaotic, drama-fuelled, dysfunctional or draining friendships that are damaging your personhood, or aren’t in alignment with your values.

12. Not everyone deserves you

I am aware that I am special. I deserve to be treated with respect and common decency, but along the way I have learned that not everyone deserves access to me. Respect is a two-way street and if a 'friend'/friend of a friend/acquaintance/someone isn't respecting me then they're not a friend and they don’t deserve a place in my inner circle.

13. Get plenty of sleep and sort out your sleep hygiene

Sleep is not for wimps and I’m not a night owl. I get plenty of sleep every night and I turn off all devices before I go to bed.

Also, it’s okay to shun the nightlife. I’ve never been the type of person to enjoy clubbing or going out late at night and that’s okay - I’d rather be sleeping.

14. Keep on learning, because knowledge is power

Learning doesn’t stop when school ends. Always educate yourself. Google is free. Libraries are free (if you live in the UK.)

15. A life full of chaos, toxicity, trauma and dysfunction is not normal - it’s harmful

Life is not supposed to be filled with constant unnecessary struggle and needless suffering - there is no honour in it and it makes for a low quality of life.

Life won’t always be drama-free but if it is always full of negativity and misery, then that’s not healthy. Cut off the toxicity and leave dysfunctional environments.

16. Be assertive

Speak up for yourself. Be bold, be confident, find your inner voice and tap into your inner power. Don’t allow anyone to silence you or dim your light.

17. Never give up on your ambitions - and always dream big

Believe in yourself, even if no-one else does. Believe in your vision, always have faith, work smart and be strategic.

18. Choose and cultivate happiness

I choose happiness and I’ve eliminated sources of misery - and I’m much better off.

19. Practise gratitude and self-love

Be appreciative, count your blessings and always love yourself.

20. Peace is priceless

Inner peace is something that money can’t buy, but working towards it is totally worth it. I finally have inner peace and it’s the best gift ever.